“Okay so once you do a backward somersault into the water, wait there until you see Hernando.”

I nod my head trying to show confidence, however, I feel none of it. My mother looks at me smirking; I did get myself into this, not anyone else but me, and I was sure regretting it. My brother, on the other hand, looks up at me worried, probably scared for both me and himself. His hand is tapping the side of the boat rapidly with nervous anticipation.

I take a deep breath stopping my incomprehensible whispers which were reciting all the rules of Scuba Diving 101. I sit up on the edge of the boat taking one more look at my mom giving me a thumbs up. I feel the howling wind on my neck warning me, with a wince, I reluctantly shift all my weight back.

Once I reach the light blue waters of San Andres I kick my feet forcefully and bring my head up for air, my attempts at swimming are completely unnecessary because of the built-in lifejacket embedded into the oxygen tank- still due to my lack of trust and firm goal on not drowning I kick my feet in a pointless effort.

“Well, that sounded like it hurt,” my older cousin teases peering over the boat. His sandy eyes show amusement with a hint of mischief. It did, my foot had hit the edge of the boat on my way down, my hand reaches out to grab it but the huge tank strapped to me stands in its way.

“Right, it was bound to happen since I am the first one to get pushed off the boat.” I roll my eyes and scoff at my families taunting, first they force me to go first knowing I am the weakest swimmer and then they laugh at my pain, great. The light waves push me slightly so I am drifting off away from the boat. Looking in the distance I study the trees towering on the island they hide the beauty underneath them: the beaches, palm trees, resorts, and the neon coloured houses.

Once everyone is floating in the ocean one of the three instructors begins to take us all down, individually by pressing some random deflate button on our backs. When it’s my turn I begin to quite honestly freaked out, here I am a complete amateur taking a risk of death or serious life issues to ‘experience the world for what it is’ as my mother would put it. 

I profusely inhale my last breath of ‘real’ air, that I was going to get for the next 15 minutes and give Hernando the signal to begin to descend, not going to lie that was probably one of the bravest things I have ever done. Let me tell you once I drew my first breath from a tube in my mouth connecting to some machine on my back that was that I wasn’t even sure worked ( I mean I knew it did but still), it terrified me. My anxiety kicks in when I am roughly 10 meters below sea level that’s when I realize that I can’t just swim up to take a breath if I need to because if I did my ears would most likely explode from the change of pressure. I don’t really want to lose my hearing, at least not today. I think the instructor can tell that I am quite literally having a panic attack because he offers to take me back up to the boat. I am seriously considering it but then I picture my mother’s face of disappointment. I am not going to make my parents pay all of this money for me to experience the ‘underwater world of Colombia’ just to chicken out later. I take a deep breath of oxygen tank air and gave the symbol as to say no.

We finally reach the bottom floor, which by the way is 30 meters below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean. To make matters even worse the water is completely clear so I can see how far down I really am adding to my already overwhelming stress.

I don’t think I can do this. The instructor can still take me up, right? He has to. I’m way too crazy to do this, what was I thinking? Thoughts keep passing my mind, I feel my heart beating in my throat and in my ears. My hand silently trembles and not from the cold. I close my eyes and take three deep breaths certain that it could help me calm my nerves.

When my eyes flutter open I notice an enticing blue starfish that whispers at me to get closer to it, I make my way towards it and stare at its beauty in awe. I feel a tap on my shoulder, it’s my mother gesturing for me to follow her. As we swim together I begin to divert my attention to the marine life floundering around me carelessly it was breathtaking (pun intended). I swim towards the ‘marine world’  where colours everywhere merge together like a watercolour painting. All around there are coral reefs that mesmerize me, I reach out my hand to gingerly stroke one of the reefs that catch my eye, I begin to smile. 

Near the end of the session, I was questioning 2 things…

1. How the heck had I already been 15 minutes under water; was it really time to leave?
2. How did I already use up most of my oxygen ( I mean, I know they don’t last forever but I thought I could rely on it for a bit more or at least I wanted to)

As I am drying myself off on the boat ride back to shore my mom sits beside me, “well was that so bad?”

I laugh, glad I took my moms advice to wave away my fears and be impulsive for once, “not at all.”

“Well what do you know, I am right once again,” she laughs holding out an orange as a refreshment. I take it feeling a calming breeze on my cheeks causing a wide smile on my face.

Imagine what I would have missed if I had told the instructor to take me up to the surface.

Next time I should try skydiving, I hear it’s really fun.

______________________________________________________________________________

Well, this was for sure an unforgettable expirience for me, being underwater was like being in an entirely new world. Every second I spent below sea level was new challenge and discovery; I was able to expirience the core essence of the ocean and not the crap you see on google images. It took my breath away (quite literally!) to explore the wonders of a new layer of earth that I was not exposed to before.

Before, I have always been the ‘play it safe’ character.

Before, in any game of LIFE, I would always be the one to take the safe path fearing the loss that could come with the risky path.

Before I would get stressed watching OTHER PEOPLE gamble, my stomach would turn at the thought of them losing their money even if they are completely aware of their slim chances of winning.

Before the mere thought of starting up my own business as an entrepreneur terrified me as I am overwhelmed with my haunting subconscious telling me that I could lose all of my investments.

I am the type of person that barely takes risks or steps out of my own comfort zone; instead, I follow a strict plan that I have made. The fact that I had a choice of backing out of this incredible experience or confronting it head-on is a metaphor for my choices in life to either try something new and risk it or to keep my head down and stay in my comfort zone. From this experience, I decided to go against my instinct and allow myself to be vulnerable to something new and it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. I’m not saying that once you take a risk you are guaranteed to gain an amazing experience, because that’s exactly what a risk is: you don’t know what your going to get or lose out of it; however, what I am saying is that I’m glad I took a chance because if I hadn’t I’d be wondering what would’ve happened if I got into that ocean the rest of my life.

My takeaway is, occasionally I need to defy my dumb subconscious telling me all the reasons that something could go wrong and listen to the quiet voice in my head telling me that if I don’t take a risk- life will go on without me.✰

 

Citations

Akyurt, Engin. “Pixabay.” Pixabay, 18 Feb. 2017, pixabay.com/en/red-yellow-sunset-sunrise-2076853/.